9 september - 7:12 p.m.

Do you ever get mired down in memories? When the weather starts to get a faint chill at night, the leaves start to change and the stars shine a little brighter, all the questions that I thought I have answered in the best possible way get just a little fuzzy around the edges. Most years. Today and lately, I am in deep doubt that I can make any of the right choices. If I follow the plan that I so meticulously and foolishly mapped for myself in the time before it really mattered, before it was concrete, will I be selling myself short? If I don't, will I be losing out on more than I would have gained by following through? Isn't this the time when it should all be clear to me? The piles of little things that I've put off as okay until tomorrow for so long have surfaced together in a fiery lump that has invaded the pit of my stomach and any moment of peace I allow myself. Apathy has welled up, the greatest of all sins, someone beautiful once told me, and I've settled into it like an old woman with creaking bones, too tired to hall myself back out. Three months time will bring all the answers, right or wrong, and my life, such as it is, will begin anew as it has before. So, we'll all stay on hold until then, I suppose.

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